RIP

It was a long a treacherous journey but I know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. I wish I was with you because you got.it better than anyone. I loved you so much, and I wouldn't be the girl I am today if it wasn't for your unconditional love. Even though you didn't make it to mother's day, you have more than full filled your duties of a mother. I hope God is throwing the best party ever cause now.you are 100% heeled. Tears glisten in my eyes as I think about the life you have ahead of yourself in heaven. And it comforts me to know that you are aa jealous Oma, begging God to hurry our lives up so we can all be together as one family. Thank you for praying for me. Im sorry I wasn't able to say Goodbye. I wanted to preserve the memory in my heart of you as the Oma I have always known. I love you more than you can imagine. You are still that beautiful girl. RIP Oma, I will be there soon.

Girl Confessions

10 Likes ♥ Girl Confessions
1. Do you sleep with your hair up? No
2. Do you like noodles? YES
4. Do you enjoy drama? Heck no!
5. Are you a girly girl? Nope
... 6. Who was the last person you hugged? My mom
7. Small or large purses? Small
8. Are you short? I guess you would call me short
9. Do you like somebody? Yes <3
11. Do you care if your socks are dirty? Yup i dont like thinking about the dead skin inside my socks
13. Do you like Halloween? Dont do it
14. Are you double jointed? Hehe yup check out my elbows
15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? Next to my boyfriend but the fire amonst a bunch of swearing guys
16. Has anyone touched/­smacked your butt in the past 24 hours? Nope (i did though XD)
17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you? I hope not
18. Do you call anybody by their last name? I used to
20. How many guys will read this just because it says-Girl Confessions? Probably a few, i dont know many
Girls Be Honest!
1. What color is the socks that you're wearing? White (hate colored socks)
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys? Light <3
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy? kinda
5. Do you have a best friend? Yup! You know who you are
6. Have you ever had your heart broken ? It depends if it was a relationship but yes but it wasnt a relationship
7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery? Heck no, i never want surgery in my life
8. Do you like your life? It could be better
11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on? Yes i have
12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys? The question should say do you get along better with girls or boys better. I prefer boys but currently I have more girl friends.
13. How long have you had a facebook? I have been on for a year but this one has only been 3 months
14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face? My brother just for the fun of it.
15. What are your biggest fears? Everyone hating me
16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? A few times but i think i stopeed crying before i fell asleep so prob not
17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind? Haha yeah
18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater? No and I hope its not true
19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something? Yes!
20. Do you ever wish you were famous? I kinda do, but then it would be hard to keep up woth all my social networks and then I wouldnt be able to keep my feelings to myself.
21. Are you currently missing someone? Yes :( <3
THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE
Cowboy or Gangster? Gangster
Face or Body? Face
Sweet or Sexy? Sweet
Armani or Abercrombie? Abercrombie
Contacts or Glasses? Contacts
YOURSELF...
01. Eyeliner or Mascara? Eyeliner!
02. Pink or black? BLACK!
03. American Eagle or Hollister? Hollister
04. Pumps or flats . Flats
05. Skirts or pants? Always pants
06. Socks or leggings? Is this a trick question?
07. Hoodies or jackets? Hoodies
08. Heels or sneakers? Neither. I love my boat shoes
09. Straight or curly hair? Both? If not straight/ natural
13. White or black? Black but preferably both
14. Victoria’s Secret or bath and body works? Victoria's Secret
15. Smoothies or lattes? Lattes. Love my coffie
16. Diet or regular sodas? Regular
17. Water or daiquiris? Always water
18. Pearls or diamonds? Neither, but i guess diamonds
20. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen? Neither? I dont keep up with girl celebrities and that type of stuff
22. iPod or cell phone? Cell phone. I dont have an ipod
23. Friends or family? Friends
24. Lip gloss or lip stick? Neither. I rather stay natural
25. Manicure or pedicures? Manis
27. Tank tops or beaters? Tank tops
28. Big sunglasses or small? Small. The big ones look RE-DI-CU-LOUS
29. Sunglasses or purses? Sunglasses. Gotta keep the sun off my eyes. I dont care about the fashion part
IN A GUY ...
Funny or Serious? Funny
Romantic or Daredevil? Daredevil. I gotta have my fun!!
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes? Light <3
Long Hair or Short Hair? Long
Curly Hair or Straight Hair? Straight
Clean-cut or Rough? Clean-cut
Basketball Player or Football Player? Both? Haha i love both sports
Smoker or Non-smoker? Non-smoker!! I wouldnt even be around you if u smoked
Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car? Sport cars....Im in love with them
Player or Loyal? Loyal all the way

 

XD

2-12-13

I need a shoulder to cry on. I am the saddest i think I have been in a very long time. Sadder than when Jana died. Sadder than when ive been hurt by my dad. I am broken down and crying. my heart has been ripped from my soul and smashed into a million of pieces. Why am I so sad? Because I just found out my Oma probably has pancreas cancer and she has less than 4 months to live!!! 4 months I am telling you. I can't take that. 4 months go by too quickly. I am so so afraid I will see her only one time before IF she dies. I dont know if I could take that. I think I will become emotionally depressed. I might even turn gothic. I can not take this. I known Oma for 16 years, 4 months and 15 days or as i should say since the very day I was born. She has become a part of me. Even though I moved away when I was 7, I still love her. Whenever I saw her, I told her all my deep dark secrets. She was always there willing to lend me a hand. I dont think I could take it she left this world. I wont live if she did. And my dad,IF she died, I think he would about die himself. Her effect on this world is so great. So many would miss her. I know Oma, if you read this, you might say you have lived a very good life and God says its my time to go. I know you will only go if it is God's will, but I want to fight for your life. Imagine there being a gigantic rope tied to you. You are in a box and the other end of the rope is wrapped around God's wrist. It is tightly wrapped and since God is so strong all he would have to do would give one flip of the rope and he would bring you crashing into heaven. I am right there grasping and holding unto you with my life. All i need to do is lift the flaps of the box and the new you, free from cancer would be revealed. And the box would be the cancer. Then I would let go of the box and it would go flying to God and he will take it and toss it into the sea and banish it from this world, so it will never come back and enclose your body with it again. I am there tugging on Gods heart, that is initially tied to his wrist. I cant let you go. I can face it if you died. It would just make me disapear into my own box, but this time it would be sorrow. Sorrow that I can't get away from because it is wrapped tightly arround me and drowning me to my own inital heart broken death.

I've always wanted to come and visit Oma, just me and my oma and of course my opa too. I would help my Oma with the gardening, I would make them dinner, I would drive them to town, i would go and to the errands for them. I would spruce up anything that needed it and most of all I would give them the love and company. Oh how ive wanted to do this for over 2 years now. And now IF Oma dies I will never have the chance. I would never be able to take that. I wouldnt be able to forgive my parents for not giving me that chance. Oh how Ive wanted to just spend alone time. Now I may never have that chance and i may even be able to only see her once. I will be lucky enough if i see her twice. This burden I am carrying is splitting my heart. I know I said its already crushed but maybe it still is a little together, glued by the fact that I have a little hope that God can produce a miracle. I am asking who ever reads this journal entry takes the time to lift, me, my family, my relatives, and Most of all my grandma up and that he will heal my Oma and give her a new pancreas. i know that IF she dies, she would have a new one in heaven but thats not how I want it, I want her to live hear on earth with us. Most of all my Oma smokes and this lessons the case of survival. If only she never picked up one of those in the first place.

Please drop me a line, text, phone call, something. I am going to be going through a very difficult time the next four months ahead of me and I dont think i will have much of the heart to bother to text anyone. I will need you guys to reach in there and help heal the heart of mine with a drop of hope. Everyone who reaches out will do something to my heart and theat with lesson the case of me turing dark and depressed. I am telling you this now before I go into a state that will be too hard to fix. Love, Emily

1-17-13

What did I just do??? I just agreed to go to Illinios for 2 months!!??!! No really did i just do that? Oh wait I dont have to go for 2 months. Thank God. I mean I would love too, but two months is forever. Oh wow. Let me set you straight here. I am composed of 3 parts.... My two best friends Michaela and Colleen, and apparently me. I wonder when I get the full me to myself..... My friend Colleen wants me to live in Illinois and my other friends wants to move to GA and she doesnt want to leave me. And Id like to go with her. I feel like im being split into thirds or both my arms are being pulled and a section of my body goes with each friend and the section in the middle is ME> Im skinny so dude I wouldnt get much of me to myself. Imagine that in your head...Speaking of heads if I was split evenly I wouldnt even get my head to myself. This is what I get when I put others before myself. And this picure here describes my feelings haha, nah im just being a goofball....

So This post makes no sense. Comment if you laughed..... Love, Emily

Hello Again

Its been awhile since I've written anything! I wouldn't know where to start first. Well maybe the beginning would be best. Or maybe the highlights? First off im 16 now. Life is so much more difficult. Im constantly being told this and that. Stuff is expected better of me. Im supposed to be perfect in the eyes of my dad. Im tired of running my life, so have surrendered it to God and trusted in him to finish the last corner of the puzzle. "Trust in me" he said. So im doing that. Im not in charge, my parents aren't in charge. I account for God and Him only. Praise the Lord for waking me up at 6:30 in the morning to tell me that. I've decided to read the Bible every night. It puts a better look on my day and I feel a peace that I wouldn't normally feel. He's teaching me so many things. Its amazing to learn from God's word. All I have to do is flip open my Bible and read the first thing my eye catches sight of. And most of the time God will speak through it and remind me an important thing I need to work on. Or he will encourage me. Anything that I need to hear for that night. I feel so full. I feel loved and respected. Forget about being perfect for my dad. God loves me for who I am and that's all I care about. He's so wonderful to me. <3 Another thing that has happened is that my eyes have been opened more to the things of this world and what unchristians and even Christians desire in relationships. Its so rediculous. Dating sexually is not the answer for everything. Open your eyes and realize its a sin!! Stop what you're doing. I can back this up with Scriptures and I wont be afraid to prove my point. Im serious. Don't find pleasure in sexual things just because everyone is doing the same. Its not right. Wait till your married and save it for your wife or husband. I promise it will definitely be worth it. Its a sin to find sexual pleasure in yourself and other people. Here I go preaching to you but im serious. Im mad about this and I want my point to be proved. Please stop what you are doing before marriage. Thanks Now that I got that off my chest. I feal a little better. I concerned for everyone and I hate seeing ppl suffer. Please my dear friends don't make the mistakes the whole world makes. Love, Emily <3

10/5/12

I have never fealt so upset before! It is the feeling of being hurt. I have this burden of sorrow that i can not lift away from my heart. I try realeasing it but i get yeld at just because i want to get it off my heart. Why oh why? Why did they have to leave early? Why did one girl not tell me she wasnt coming? Why did one friend go to a soccer game over seeing me?! I miss that girl. I want to see her so badly! I am hurting deep down in pain. I hate akwardness! I hate i am so busy! I hate last minute changes! And i hate the fact that i am so shy that i can't think of something to say with a friend even if i know them! omg!!! I feel so embarrassed!!! My party was probably a disaster. Only one girl had fun, the one girl who stayed past 11, and the one girl who invited me to go camping. If it wasnt for her, i would not have had a good time.....because nothing went as i had planned it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG why oh why!! Am i basing my emotions on my surroundings? Or is it really real! I am upset because everyone left me. And i tried so hard for it to be fun! Even cleaning my room was a waste. I neverr want a party again. Even if it is to have friends over. I hate stuff like this!!!!!! I just want to crawl in a corner and cry myself to sleep. I am so broken hearted. :'(

Love,
Emily

july 8th 2012

Hey, I know not everyone is perfect but I have been trying to figure out what the heck is going on inside my siblings head. I am full of confusion. My sister is rebelious and it it making me so disapointed in her. Since she is six I find it so hard to be acting someone older than her who would have her attitude. I'm scared. :/ I'm not sure what I should do. She lies, disrespectful and so rebelious. She has slowly been deveping this way and I feal slitely responsible cause I wasn't there to give her the example she should be. Emily