10/5/12

I have never fealt so upset before! It is the feeling of being hurt. I have this burden of sorrow that i can not lift away from my heart. I try realeasing it but i get yeld at just because i want to get it off my heart. Why oh why? Why did they have to leave early? Why did one girl not tell me she wasnt coming? Why did one friend go to a soccer game over seeing me?! I miss that girl. I want to see her so badly! I am hurting deep down in pain. I hate akwardness! I hate i am so busy! I hate last minute changes! And i hate the fact that i am so shy that i can't think of something to say with a friend even if i know them! omg!!! I feel so embarrassed!!! My party was probably a disaster. Only one girl had fun, the one girl who stayed past 11, and the one girl who invited me to go camping. If it wasnt for her, i would not have had a good time.....because nothing went as i had planned it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG why oh why!! Am i basing my emotions on my surroundings? Or is it really real! I am upset because everyone left me. And i tried so hard for it to be fun! Even cleaning my room was a waste. I neverr want a party again. Even if it is to have friends over. I hate stuff like this!!!!!! I just want to crawl in a corner and cry myself to sleep. I am so broken hearted. :'(

Love,
Emily

july 8th 2012

Hey, I know not everyone is perfect but I have been trying to figure out what the heck is going on inside my siblings head. I am full of confusion. My sister is rebelious and it it making me so disapointed in her. Since she is six I find it so hard to be acting someone older than her who would have her attitude. I'm scared. :/ I'm not sure what I should do. She lies, disrespectful and so rebelious. She has slowly been deveping this way and I feal slitely responsible cause I wasn't there to give her the example she should be. Emily